So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
