my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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