u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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