I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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