hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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