Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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