I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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