ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
