just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
