u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
