what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
