But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
