Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
