who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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