my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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