The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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