question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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