Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
