So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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