This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize