We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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