You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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