also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
