Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
