Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
