STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
