what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
