Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
