another moral hangover. fuck.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
