Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
