so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
