We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
