i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
