omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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