hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
