the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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