People with herpes should wear stickers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
