Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
