You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
