No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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