you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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