3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
