wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
