I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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