Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
