Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
