sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
