id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
