i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
