So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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