so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
