I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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