The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
