someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
