Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
