yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
