You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
