i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
