You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
