worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
