I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
