you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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