One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize