I'm pants shitting drunk right now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
