Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
