if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
