the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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