Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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