He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
