Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
