Moan for me like Helen Keller
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
