sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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