he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
