Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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