I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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