you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
