just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize